kerabumangga

Zaman dedulu...

2012-02-13T02:59:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking about the ol' days. Matric days specifically. And some of the Gombak days. MCIIUM was officially known as 'the holy grounds version1.0' to me. and most of us BENdits. and Gombak is Gombak lah. I've never really had that much of hate towards the main campus anyways.

I was trying to search for some of the blogs I used to read of fellow 'mciium'ers back then. I don't know them, but for some - I started reading their blogs after I stumbled into them. Then I stopped. And now I can't really remember what exactly is/what their names or blog names. hahahahaa. So operasi not really a success.

And reading some entries of my friends' about our lives all those years ago...I can't believe it's been that long ago. Still feels like yesterday. But it's almost nine (9!!!) years since I've stepped foot into IIU. Almost four years since I left the main campus. Almost six years since that 'big' presentation of ours for the Presentation skills class or something. I have to say, I think that was about the only Saturday class that I actually don't mind going every week or so. And the effort we put into it, it was NUTS. The most perfect proposal one can prepare... (but if I was compare it to the kind of proposals I have/stuck/need to do now like.... it's nothing huhuhu).

My half-impulse decision to change my major (best thing everrr!). And those drama performances. The terrible moody scripts I'll always write for my assignments. Horrible groupworks with scary groupmates. Excellent groupworks with the best groupmates one can ask for (heck we even plan what subjects to take together so we can be in the same group for assignments). Cringing when you realized you gave the wrong 3-page answersheet in your finals. Getting told off for not performing well in your mid-term/final by your prof(s). Literally getting told off for turning up during the finals because I obviously look sick/awful on my final day (but really i was just down over a bad breakup that day). Being told I could write fairly well by a hard-to-please professor. Actually getting an A- or B+ from an almost impossible-to-please professor. That's like the best earned grades ever. A- for social problems, B+ for criminology and A- for malaysian society and B+ for anthropology. And those two hard-to-please professors were fairly close. hahahaha. it figures, but i do appreciate them nonetheless.

and my least earned A? most probably sociological theory II (or maybe III). it was a bad semester. i was just down and depressed. i handed in my assignment over a month late or something. i did not study at all the night before. i only crammed the readings an hour or so before the finals in the morning. haha.

the BENdits.

nasi goreng ikan masin pattaya at U cafe. those begedils at ZC. that potato dish thingy and that awesome sambal at AC. the 'LP' place. doing assignments by the stairs. 'typing' business. 'extended' lab usage in the library. watching illegal movies in the library. using discussion rooms to just lepak (and sleep). the battles with the 'hollier than thou' group(s). donuts and paus at HS cafe. cofee/choc drink at nescafe cafe.

And my battle with the Arab language. It's such a shame. I do want to learn. I would't mind being able to write poetry in said language. I would love to be able to at least literally understand the Qur'an abit here and there by just reading the actual text. But alas, that language...it's just impossible for me. My brain just isn't able to process foreign or half-foreign languages. Pity :((

But there was one funny incident with regards to said language. You know how when you're doing your finals, you somehow always know whether you'll be good or not (yet you still worry and say you gonna fail anyways). So at matric, one of my finals...I remember giving up...and simply bantai-ed the whole paper (as always). And just moments before handing the paper in, I remember doing a little prayer to God if it's possible for me to just pass the paper. And at that very second, the thunder roared outside the Annexe building (or was it LY?). So yeah...obviouslly I failed. hahahahah

And the first time I got into the deans list. I remember chatting with my nowlonglost friend online. And I didn't even realised it until quite a while later when I was rechecking my results. Too much focus on 'NOT FAILING' but it's not like I ever was close to it..tapi bahasa arab itu lain cerita ok...

My incessent obssesion to get at least an A or A- in every single subject. That was just...crazy. In a way, I kinda miss that drive to get what I want that I had those years ago. what happened eh? working life makes one lazier. I'm more busy than ever, but I still find myself being more lazy that ever...

Fishing my pscyhology finals paper within 15mins or so, and then I had no choice to just lepak in the freezing hold a while longer so as to not be too obvious when i go out. And naturally, the first place i headed to when i left the hall was the computer lab. and the first thing my friend said to me online was, 'what you doing here?!'. hahaha. whatever lah, I did nailed an A for it. its only objectives, if you've done your readings you're soo good to go.

And running from one end of campus to another within 5 (barely) minutes or so. Crazy. When you have the first class with a lecturer who always ALWAYS extends til after official class hours, and the next class with a professor who will start ON THE DOT. Perfect recipe I tell you.

The annoying but sometimes look-forward to halaqah sessions during the first year. Sometimes I wished the module was available throughout the four years I was there. And then that ustaz which gives me anxiety attacks. Seriously. Of course, I didn't really realized it then. But heck that whole semester I had soo much issues to just breathe normally. :(

And then there's my non-existent love life. Two/3 major crushes. Dua-dua pun dapat tahu (Don't ask...) and another tidak. Hehehehe. It's nothing really but sure puts more color into the sometimes dreadry campuslife. And that ex of mine...hmmm.

And the battle with the LRT shuttle busses (and later RapidKL busses). And the KTM. Gosh. Nearly ten years, and they're still practically the SAME. Orang kedepan tapi KTM ke belakang.

Haphazard reminiscing post. It's about as personal as I can get on this post. So yeah...

And ironically, I remember telling myself I'll never go to IIU (circa form 2 or 3). Reason? I thought 99% of those IIU seniors from the Karisma club who came to my school to run some workshops for us were a bunch of asses. Sorry about the language, but they seriously were. And thanks to them I never really bothered joining any clubs or whatsoever during my undergraduate years. THe fear of being liken or associate with such people...Yes, very stereotypical of me but whatever lah.

2012-02-10T18:35:00.001+08:00

to be honest, im pretty much comfortable here. its wayy past working hours but im content just sitting down in this meeting room working on revamping the website.

=)

2012-02-08T23:00:00.000+08:00

who would have thought that deciding what new laptop to purchase will be such a nightmare. arrgh. if it wasnt for the workshops i have lined up within the next few weeks, jangan harap aku nak gie beli.

sheesh.

Malay culture + prophet

2012-02-07T20:18:00.000+08:00

Question, ?

we're always thought that the prophet a.s, is not on par with Allah s.w.t. God is always Mightier, and we should not worship the prophet as if he is God.

he's just a prophet. nothing more, nothing less.

and then comes to our culture, why do we always put the 'Muhammad' symbol on the same level as 'Allah' on the walls. or wherever. you know, those house decos and stuff.

and the fact that maulidur rasul is an official public holiday. it bears no meaning at all. whats the point? day in day out, everyday, i know who my God is and i am aware that Muhammad is THE prophet appointed by God to bring Islam. we are thought not to worship him as a god, yet here we are - on holiday on his birthday - even though we don't really do anything significant really. i don't see the point.

i just find it ironic, growing up - you always have those agamalicious people saying it's wrong to celebrate your birthday and it's unislamic yadda yadda yadda. then why in the world do we get our days off on the prophet's birthday?

just an observation on my part.

HIMYM

2012-01-21T00:15:00.003+08:00

So....I just realized Barney Stinson IS Doogie Howser.

:D

Hahahahaha.

Test Run

2012-01-17T12:00:00.001+08:00

Looks like operas Radiohead has failed. And we're barely half way through January. Sigh. Life goes on; planning programs and scheduling life in around potential election dates. It's getting seriously annoying to be honest.

Me signing off from my brand new impulse purchase. Hahahahahaha

2012-01-16T14:45:00.000+08:00

dear Radiohead,

It's been bloody 15 years. Is too much to ask for you to come down and do at least A FEW AFFORDABLE shows within Asia instead of just ONE in Taipei for 2012 and only one festival in Japan (which until now the line-up isn't confirmed and what day 'you' are supposedly performing isn't announced)?

It's pathetic that my favourite band is soo darn elitist. I'm not even begging you to come to SEA - heck, I can travel. But it's bloody difficult to plan when tour announcements are soo darn erratic and ticket purchasing are just so chaotic and impossible. gahhh

Have mercy on your fans who can't bloody afford to travel more than half the continent (i.e america, europe) to watch their favourite band.

Gerakbudaya booksale!!

2012-01-13T22:54:00.000+08:00

I find it amusing that a bunch of us were soo bloody eager to head to Pak Chong's Gerakbudaya booksale. Awal-awal pagi rombongan sekereta sudah terpacak disana dan jumpa juga kawan-kawan aktivis/writers yang lain. Hahaha. It may not be as popular as the Big Bad Wolf sale, but let me tell you - it's usually something I look forward to every year.

It's definitely THE place to head to if you're looking for local books whether fiction or academics (non-mainstream or indie or underground publisher wise). Things you will usually not find at those normal bookstores. And those that you are able to find at the major bookstores - it's at least 30% off! :P

Discount ranges from 25% to 100%. Yes, there's a table dedicated to F.R.E.E books.

Of course, I only took what I know I would actually read. Pandai-pandailah korang jangan tamak ya!

13th - 15th January 2012 (Fri - Sun) 10am to 7pm daily

GB GerakBudaya Enterprise Sdn Bhd (637869-A)
11, Lorong 11/4E,
46200 Petaling Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia.
Tel: +603 – 7957 8342 / 8343
Email: marketing@gerakbudaya.com
Web: www.gerakbudaya.com

We are nearby University Malaya Medical Centre (UMMC), opposite to Restoran Banana Leaf Cuisine Grand City and Sri Paandi (PJ). Contact person Kimmy 012-357 3397 or Chong 016-3797231

FB Link here!

901

2012-01-07T18:12:00.003+08:00

ya, aku bias. sebab mereka kawan-kawanku. of course im worried, regardless of the actual fact which causes them to be in the current situation.

harapharap semua okay nanti.

Kisah Ikan Bilis

2012-01-04T09:34:00.003+08:00

Pepagi indah terik ini, sebungkus nasi lemak dipesan daripada makcik yang berniaga diluar stesen rel tertentu di Lembah Klang. Punyala careful bila si makcik mengambil ikan bilis daripada bekasnya yang boleh kira masih sangat full lagi itu. Memang macam kira berapa ekor kecil ikan bilis yang layak masuk kedalam bungkusan sarapanku.

Memang sedih apabila ikan bilis pun nak berkira. Tapi terpaksalah kita hargai usaha makcik ini untuk memberi layanan sama rata terhadap para pembeli nasi lemak (sebenarnya, janji cukup nak habis jual semua nasi la kot). Untuk cover the cost.

RM2.50. Mahal. Nasib baik sambal boleh tahan walaupun nasi sedikit fail.

2011

2012-01-03T00:38:00.002+08:00

The year that:
1) I quit my job with absolutely no back-up plan (except to travel to Cambodia & Vietnam immediately after for a week).
2) I remained as a free unproductive bum for over six months doing absolute n.o.t.h.i.n.g. Survived mostly from odd freelance jobs and part-time stints (which involved A LOT of travelling <3)
3) I travelled sooooooooooo much and went to places that I've never been to and returned to places which I've always loveeee (Penang <3 duhh).
4) I got soo sick and tired of traveling by mid June (and swore I've done for the year) but ended up jumping right back into it willingfully! hahaha
5) I went on a longest break from work ever (omg almost two weeks off from work that's like unheard off in my working lifetime for me :P). And tomorrow I shall return to being a dedicated ~~activist~~employee.
6) No major relapse with the D. So that means I'm doing pretty good and thank you God ;)

Observations:
- I still have much issues about moving on and letting go. Vengeful. Don't forgive and don't forget. Too much reminiscing. That's so me lah... haha
- Needs to get back in touch with my almost non-existent spiritual side.
- I actually do like travelling.
- I feel much richer financially when I'm not working. How is that so?

PSA for Self

2012-01-01T12:32:00.001+08:00

I've deactivated Twitter, so don't bother looking for me there anymore. I might just let it get deleted. Who knows, maybe when election looms I'll be back there again. I'm still sorta on Facebook (though I'm almost always entertaining thoughts of deactivating it and deleting friends every now and then). Since I'm no longer blogging at my private blog here, I've sorta moved on to LJ for the time being. But you can still catch my nonsensical reblogs on Tumblr right at this link (I absolutely <3 tumblrrr).

I'm trying to start writing again, though attempts have failed me time and again. So until then, I'm sorta attempting to be a guest writer/blogger here and here.

As for this blog I don't know, I might come around from time to time.

sun

2011-12-21T17:33:00.001+08:00

thank you for the sun. let it shine (til' i sampai bangsar at the very lease please tq).

religion

2011-12-15T20:59:00.002+08:00

#1 is it a reason to celebrate if one embraces your faith or religion? i mean, most probably they've let go or had to leave another religion to embrace the one you deem as the absolute truth. isn't that sad as well?

#2 the thing with religion right, its like...you must be thankful for all the wonderful things which happens to you. and at the same time you must also be 'thankful' for all the hardships which happens to you.

#3 where does God come from? who created Him? people say you musnt think what our minds aren't capable of comprehending. but heck, im gonna keep thinking and ask the same question. where? how? why? God doesnt just happen in the speck of nothingness, right? or the concept of creation is just flawed?! for something to be created, you need something else. and for that something else to exist, you need something else. tak habis-habis one the chain...

#4 but the beauty of your faith, regardless what it is, it gives you that sense of calmness at times, or hope if you wish. whatever or however way you want to see/take it in. despite it all la kot. but yet, you cant help but wonder on the logicness of everything... err.

#5 whatever it is, sama-sama respect lah kan. even if you dont believe, or even if you dont share the same faith or thoughts or whatever with others, it doesnt give you the right to think you're above them and make fun or belittle. to each their own. you can state your opinions, but do it in a respectful manner which wont overtly offend others. sikitsikit itu lain cerita, tapi vehemently....

2011-12-15T10:09:00.001+08:00

its the little things in life which gets to you at times. but there are also the big things by the government which really really gets to you.

public assembly
computing
stupid healthcare plan

malaysia is slowly doomed. if we are not careful. and i cant help blaming the generations before me, or i wish i can blame them. for letting things be. for not seeing things coming.

activism

2011-12-13T00:29:00.005+08:00

Not the full story, but perhaps you'll get to understand slightly why me & my friends are doing what we do.

'What makes activists tick' from Selangor Times

attack

2011-12-12T03:02:00.001+08:00

its been one hell of a week. the madness. the rush. the stress. the unexpected but expected mishaps. the relieved. the mundane. everything. catching up with friends. being silly. happy. and then there's the people you have to deal with. and then there's dealing with unexpected behavior from certain people. the dealing with individuals who touts themselves as such professionals and integrity in what they do behave erratically against the very image they stand for.

bukan apa, we are all humans. but its off-putting. we are so conditioned to expect the same kinda of behavior from any certain someone - we forget that its only human for them to act differently. but that was it. i was soo taken aback. abit hurt. offended. how the hell do i deal with this? sigh.

i dont like people telling my choice of action towards certain things is wrong. or difficult for something they want to do. thats not my problem. either dont do it or work around it lah. why should i sacrifice my principles to make yours easier? and same goes for me, i dont expect you to sacrifice principles to make my life rosy. the least one could do is discuss and find a middle ground, not attack attack attack.

and then there's dealing with those 'i am better' group of souls. and no, im not talking about religion or anything spiritually related. its like that lah. no matter how hard you try, to be understanding or whatever, they WILL ALWAYS be a darn gap between you and those outside your circle of ethics/profession/group/sekepala. heck, even within sekepalaness there's a gap.

just attempting to deal with it, headache. its easier to just ignore and live with it, but one can't help analysis the heck out of it. like that lah.

harapan

2011-12-12T02:51:00.001+08:00

ive only got two(2) solid goals for 2012.

1) radiohead. LIVE. before my very eyes.
2) (continue to) be happy at work (=

currently researching options. if the uk dates arent announced anytime soon, ill have to settle for berlin. if not mexico. but....im hoping the uk dates will be late august/early september. that way i can squeeze in some coldplay as well. bwahahhaha.

*angan angan*

2011-12-10T21:50:00.001+08:00

im the kind of person that gets excited when i discovered the camcorder i just bought has a bloody mic input! ingat takde! hahahahahah^_^

2011-12-09T02:17:00.001+08:00

sabah turning into sarawak.need i say bloody more?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=UjQbbL_5V4M

edit: i find it bloody weird and stupid lagi ridikulus that one can be denied entry into an area of one's own country!bodoh kan?BN does not want the people of rural sabah and sarawak to start rejecting them. hence, all means to block and limit communications as much as possible is being done. why? like my friend says, semua kekayaan sabah/sarawak duk tampung kehidupan orang-orang di KL. so BN looses that mati liao......my assumptions. take it, and think about it. or just leave it, and still ponder upon it. correct or not, only god and those who's in the know knows. :P

women + 'islamic' interpretations

2011-12-09T01:59:00.001+08:00

When I read this a day or two ago, I was stuck between exasperation or laughing out loud.

I mean, seriously.Looking at vegetables will turn me on THAT easily? That person who made such a statement is the one with a problem. Just because your imagination are soo wild doesn't mean others are like you.

Can't you worry about more substantial things related to Islam like poverty, lack of access to education, healthcare, respect, gender equality, justice and blablabla instead of sex sex sex?

Sayuran tidak porno, otakmu yang porno!

And same goes to that women driving will lessen virgins. Read here.

I don't blame anyone if they think women have absolutely no status in a typical 'Muslim' context. When you have people who are supposedly 'leaders' coming up with such stereotypical statements and opinions which only seeks to objectify women. arghselalu sibuksibuk pasal wanita, tapi lelaki? ingat jantina itu malaikat belaka...

2011-12-07T23:16:00.001+08:00

stressed out. but not THAT stressed out. hopefully i'll never have to reach the peak that i know, at least not anytime soon. haha.^_^maybe its just me fussing over the details. maybe its just me thinking its halftheendoftheworld. who knows.my first main event of the year is tomorrow. and that is all.

Kampung Radioaktif

2011-12-06T09:55:00.001+08:00

random memori

2011-12-04T12:12:00.001+08:00

just reminiscing. although i hated my room on campus all those years ago, i did like the view of one of the rooms i was at for a year. ill sleep with the windows and curtains wide open. the huge tree right outside the window, at the sky. i got lucky. i got a block which was right on the hill, and facing the rest of the campus - and not some other dodgy hostel block. ill wake up everyday just before the subuh azan is called from the mosque. without fail. whoever who reads the Qur'an before the azan.ya, saya masih ingat. that was one heck of a year for me. or almost 'a heck'. the year i made a u-turn and changed my major. starting over. chopped my hair (yeah i did that before). the countless hours at the cyber cafe doing assignments and chatting with friends. it was wayyy before wireless broadband was widely available. me playing loud radiohead and pearl jam in my room when no one else is around.macam itu lah.

on SBs

2011-12-02T16:50:00.001+08:00

To be really honest with you, I was on the verge of tears when we found out the SBs were inside the building. The frustration of the very idea of it - as I was grabbing my things (most importantly my laptop) and running out of the secretariat room in seconds. There goes my planned few hours of silence before I head off to the airport. There goes my much deserved 'me' time doing absolutely nothing significant as my friends trotted off to explore the town. But most of all, why can't they just leave us alone for once. Our choice and freedom to do as we wish (it's not even against the law ponnnnnnnnn).It's not that I'm not used to it. I definitely am. The idea that these SBs are our biggest supporters whenever we have forums or trainings. Even forums which the very title of it is enough to bore you to death. Even at an almost dodgy venue which no one in the 'normal' sense of the world would even consider of dropping by in the evenings when they could be pretty much anywhere else in the world - a 'cooler' place at that. Heck, I've even had a photography war with them (I shoot them, they shoot back at me). Argued with them with my wit and sarcasm and chased them out of my programme (much to their anger). Empty out office(s) for fear or expecting a raid. I've done it all.But it really puts me off when out of nowhere they appeared late Monday morning. I mean, seriously. It's just a simple programme. Targeted at women. For women. By women. There's nothing political about it - in the sense that we are crying for change of government. We are not shouting or even remotely planning of kicking BN out of the system (as much as I wish it was now). In other words, it's pretty much harmless if you are to compared it with the trillion other things I've organised or taken part in.Seriously. Of course I'm annoyed. But what makes me angry is that these stupid police(s) does not have the balls to confront and talk to the organisers directly. Instead, all they do is harrass other participants and just makes things soo uneasy for everyone else within the vicinity who are not related at all to whatever it is their 'checking out' or investigating.It just shows they've got no business there in the first place. sigh.

2011-11-25T19:21:00.001+08:00

You would think when I paid just a few ringgit short of HALF Of my salary for a return ticket...the service would be at least DECENT. idiots --> malaysia airlines.and half of the people handling the crowd around the supposedly check-in counters are so undedicated with their jobs. if don't bother why the fuck are you in the service line in the first place? or at least try to pretend.and those 'mas' people wearing golden/brown suits supposedly higher up - well they act like know it all asses. they won't answer a customer's enquire but will just beat the hell out of the bush. phhttt. not helpful. and then they complain when things get haywire when the last call for the respective flights are called. duhhh.

2011-11-25T05:24:00.001+08:00

I'm so darn restless. It's crazy. Then again, it's not.I wished I've done things differently. But cannot lah at the same time. Hmm.

Sabr'

2011-11-24T08:09:00.001+08:00

I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. Haha. A 7-day no 'targetted' gossip/bitching challenge.Sekian, terima-kasih.p/s demo outside parliament 1pm today to push for withdrawal of that PPA thingy

2011-11-21T21:34:00.001+08:00

Totally wiped clean my twitter account. If only I can un'mention' my name on twitter, like how you can untag yourself on FB. hahahhaa...//i've yet to find the missing item in question after going through practically every inch of my room. but on a brightside, i have a hugeeee bag full of clothes and another bagful of scarfs to giveaway/donate. anyone wants to rummage through it?//will be in KK this weekend. my second last or third last travels for the year 2011. i was looking forward to it. my will and eagerness is kinda wilted (is such a word use-able in this context even?!) at the moment. sigh.hmmmph.

avoid

2011-11-20T23:00:00.001+08:00

friday - forgot purse at home. got money.saturday - got purse. with only 20cents in it.//i cant help feeling that things are going nowhere. im starting to go back at my old habits. avoiding.

Gender?

2011-11-18T10:00:00.001+08:00

My attempt to run a gender understanding module via writing...

Apa itu gender?Sering-kali kita mendengar akan konsep gender. Dalam dunia akademik feminisma, kesedaran gender dan seks memang ditekankan. Tapi lumrahnya, kesedaran ini bukan sahaja penting dalam akademik, tapi ianya amat berkait-rapat dalam kehidupan seharian kita. Tapi persoalannya, apa itu gender sebenarnya? Apakah itu seks? Bagaimana ianya ada kena-mengena dengan diri anda?

READ THE RESTSource: fiestafeminista.org

we didn't start the fire

2011-11-11T00:59:00.001+08:00

This made me smile and laugh. hahaha.

Me

2011-11-10T12:22:00.003+08:00

It is something I find myself struggling with every now and then. Some people just don't get it. I especially love the diagram at the top.

Image taken from: http://thingsweforget.blogspot.com

Do visit the site above, I've found plenty of favorite post-it notes already.

2011-11-09T22:59:00.001+08:00

Random observations today:

1) Looks like RapidKL is finally extending the not so near 'KL sentral' monorail stop to be closer to the actual terminal.
2) A certain indie performer or busker is back to performing at the KTM entrance at KL sentral. Haven't seen him there in a long long time. Or maybe my timing has been quite warped lately...
3) KTM service same ol' same ol'.
4) KL sentral is starting to look like a haphazard pasar malam with all those random stalls everywhere.

2012

2011-11-09T01:05:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking past few days (and months). Just for the sake of pleasing myself.

1) I WILL finally catch Radiohead live in 2012. No buts. The moment their UK tour tickets are on sale, I'm so going. How I'm gonna get myself across the continent is another matter to solve when the time comes. Of course, this also means I need to be prepared to pay exorbitant money for the tickets (oh hello ebay).

2) At least two, if not three beach/island getaways next year. I bloody miss Perhentian. I want to snore on the sand under the hothot sun.

3) At least one or two Asean trips. Hopefully. But not really a priority lah...

4) Execute all that video ideas into erm...films? hahahha. First, I need to find my missing/stolen/misplaced (tak pasti garagara kehilangan) vidcam...

And no, the world is not gonna bloody end in 2012.

Rant (again and again)

2011-11-09T00:56:00.001+08:00

I'm such an emo wreck at times. Lately. I don't share it but really, I'm most probably raging inside towards you if you've irritated me one way or the other. You won't know it, but my ears around me does. I'm sorry kawankawans.

--

I'm not perfect. I've done plenty of mistakes which I'm not proud about. I've most probably underperformed and dissapointed myself and probably others. But if you're not happy or unplease about something, just tell it to my face inside of being sarcastic or trying to rub it into my face indirectly. Or better yet, go ahead and talk behind my back but just be smart about it lah. Pandai cover. People lie to get by in this world, but I can't stand bad liars or fakers.

Serious, malas nak layan.

--

Aku ikhlas. Tapi kalau kamu meragukan keikhlasanku, baik taksoh minta.

--
No matter whose side you're on, you will always be on the wrong on somebody's or someone's side. You can't win. Even if you're only still just at the bloody junction without a final decision, you're still on the wrong for even considering your options. So how?

It is tempting to just L.E.A.V.E everything behind and move on elsewhere. For good. Forever. But I still bloody care.

2011-11-08T17:14:00.002+08:00

Apart from patience, one of life's bigger challenge is to reorganise the way you think. Planning. It can be such a pain. Here I am analysis how I should get things done.

It's a common symptom. Too many ideas but no action. Putting your 'will' into place, not easy I tell ya'.

--

Work is work. But dealing with typical Malaysians who always persistently last minute. OMG come onnnn people. As much as I procrastinate, I pretty much stick to the darn deadline (almost). Use your judgment and think whether your actions will bring much consequence to a bigger picture (or wider group of those involved).

Effort & wants

2011-11-07T23:15:00.000+08:00

Effort and effort alone will bring you results. So please don't go harping onto other for the 'results' they have. Whether a realistic and comfortable career. A 4.0 CGPA. A new camera. Or a new car. A recently purchased house or property.

It's annoying when people breathes down your neck (or over internet chats): "Eh takpelah ko kan pandai". "Kaya la ko". "Kamu pandai ambik hati" and yadda.yadda.yadda.

It's simple as that. If you want it. Just make a bloody effort whether it's to give it your all. Plan your finance properly or whatever it is you need to do to get what you want.

2011-11-07T02:33:00.002+08:00

Barely keeping my eyes open. But my brain is refusing to go to sleep.

Seksualiti Merdeka

2011-11-03T23:32:00.001+08:00

I'm Malaysian. Muslim. And I proudly have the Seksualiti Merdeka button badge on my backpack. Sure, it's a little bit scratched here and there. It's edges is slowly yellowing. It's survived plenty of batterings on the sardine packed KTM rides to-and-from home. But I'm still displaying it in its full glory.

You may be think I'm lost. Disgusting. Horrible and a bad bad bad bad Muslim for saying what I've just said and what I'm about to say. But at least try to hear me out. It's your right to have judgments against me, but have a little bit of basis before jumping onto to bandwagon (or kereta lembu in Malaysia's case).

I wasn't always an advocate for sexuality rights. The issue was pretty much foreign to me, non-existent. Apart from the sitcoms or movies on TV, I pretty much did not have the reason or the need to deal with it in any ways at all. It was just that. It wasn't something I was familiar with. I know it's supposedly against the faith I was holding on too at that point in my life. And yes, the idea of homosexuality was foreign and uncomfortable to me. I admit that.

But all that changed one day. One of my best friends came out to me. I was shocked and suprised for quite a while, as I did not see it coming. But aside from that temporary lapse of surprise, nothing has changed since then. He's still the person I know. He's still my friend whom I know I can always count on. I'm honoured he trusted me enough to share his truth and be himself with me. And I'm glad he opened up a whole new world to me.

And no, having a friend of different sexuality preference from you will not change your sexual preference. It will not make you turn your back against religion. It will not make you a social freak that will be contaminate society with all the evils of the world. Honestly, you can easily be a 'normal' heterosexual to get involved with all those what you consider 'nasties' of the society. The dark side of the world has got absolutely nothing to do with your sexuality. And if you fear that having a sexuality that is not culturally accepted as a norm in your society will make you turn against kindness and goodness (even God or 'religion' for that matter), you're wrong. And if you believe that homosexuality is the cause of all evil of the earth (even AIDS for that matter, you're wrong. And if you're really worried about the faith of a certain religion or whatever, again you're wrong. Iman umat Hindu/Islam/Kristian/Yahudi.etc sangat lemah ke sampai ko takut sangat ianya tergugat dengan begitu mudah? If that's the case I'm offended.

Of course, I did not turn into an advocate overnight. It's my life experiences. The different people I've met and came to be friends with. The stories I hear and discussed about over the years. But lets leave those life stories for another day...

I'm not asking you to accept homosexuality or any other forms of sexuality or any particular groups which you may think is wrong as correct just like that. All I'm asking you is to acknowledge them and treat everyone with the same respect and dignity. We are all humans. Attacking in the name of religion will only make people (including me) irritated (if not hate) with the idea of religion even more.

Even if your faith abhors it or thinks something is sinful and wrong, it may not necessarily apply to others. Not everyone shares the same beliefs and faith as you. Heck, religion is dynamic. Your interpretation of religion 'A' may be different from my interpretation of the same religion. In other words, you should not impose your faith and/or belief unto others. If you're sincerely concern or worried, doa ajelah banyak-banyak. Allah Maha Pendengar bukan? Tapi Dia juga Maha Pengasih.

This is the choice I'm making for myself, my friends, colleagues and families. Whether gays, lesbian, straight, bi, trans-gender, queer or whatever label or identity you choose to identify with; I believe that it is your right to do so. Just as much as you respect my choice of sexuality, I shall respect and welcome yours. Everyone deserves to be respected as I want to be. Earn a living the way I choose to and make whatever decisions I want. Live life the way I want. Live. We all have our own standards and principles to live by, so why bother worrying about others'? We all can make our own decisions and choices just fine.

And I don't see the things of fighting something in the name of your religion just like that. All the different faith in this world teaches us to be accepting and compasionnate. Why do you want to use religion to put others down?

If it turns out that I'm going to hell (or you think I am) for doing and advocating for what I believe is the right thing to do, so be it. This is my Islam. I respect and accept everyone (however silly that this notion still needs to be said in today's society). As long as you don't deny and infringe on my right to practice my choice and faith the way I want to, I'm happy yo.

And this what I think Seksualiti Merdeka is about. Penerimaan dan respect. And support. And seriously, SM is more than just about homosexuality as the media is portraying. It's not about sex sex sex. (Why are Malaysians so darn obsessed about sex and jumping to conclusions related to sex all the bloody time?!). It goes soo much deeper than that. Semua orang ada hak untuk hidup. Dan mendapat sokongan.

I love all my friends of different shapes, sizes, faith, beliefs, sexuality, life experiences, gender and background. You've all taught me soo much and made my life pretty colorful ;)

Highly recommended documentary to watch:

This is one of the few great documentaries I've watch over the years. It's made me love Islam more, not less.

A Jihad For Love by Parvez Sharma: Link

For your reference:

Seksualiti Merdeka official webpage

p/s With regards to the Qur'an, please don't confuse the verb 'sodomy' or the act of it with the term 'homosexuality'. Go do research on Google.

Kejayaan Utusan Malaysia

2011-11-03T21:18:00.001+08:00

I'm appalled at how Utusan Malaysia sources out their main frontpage headline to comments from someone like Ibrahim Ali. Freedom of speech, yes; but is he that much of a qualified person to based your main headlines with?

While other mainstream media actually puts up news which is actually relevant to the people of Malaysia, this particular thrash of a paper mostly aims to incite hatred within the mind of its typical readers.

Most likely they're hardly of those readers left, it's readership is after all dropping. I think majority of those who still subscribed to the paper is mostly organisations, local non-profit groups for media monitoring purposes, schools and government entities. That's just my assumptions based on my observations and experiences. I could be wrong. Still...

But the saddest and most disappointing part of this all, the government and it's related authorities (police, politicians etc) actually listens and believe this paper. This thrash of a media who is actually known to be extremely un-objective. I know it's mostly almost impossible to be un-objective in Malaysia, but Utusan is just that...Utusan.

But there are one perks of Utusan, it never fails to bring about issues and concern which was mostly limited to a small group of somewhat urban middle-class beyond that. Look at Bersih 2.0. And now Seksualiti Merdeka. Need I say more? Orang yang selama itu tak pernah dengan dua kumpulan itu dah kenal bangat dah...

Tuhan

2011-11-03T00:42:00.002+08:00

I think coming back, seeing the miserable news. I've just about had it enough. This country is a mess. Tunggu masa nak hancur sudah.

And I can only imagine what non-Muslims feel about Islam in Malaysia now. I've had it with the way Islam is being touted and interpretated in Malaysia. And the way Muslims behave in the name of Islam. Kalau aku sudah mula benci dengan mereka, apatah lagi orang lain.

Tuhan itu tidak perlu dibelakan. Dia memang sudah Tuhan bagi segala-galanya, mengapa pula Dia perlukan kamu untuk mempertahankan-Nya?

Runsing

2011-11-02T22:08:00.001+08:00

Everything is soo conflicted. Celaru. This society, this place. Everything. You know your place. Others. You want to move beyond it, break it. It's funny how sometimes (or at times, or most of the time) it's those who who provokes you to break the pace and system who are the very ones stuck within their 'place'. They frown. They winced. They deny. Deny deny deny when they're at the wrong. It's so frustrating.

I know some say system is bad. In a way freedom is good. But too much of it turns everything into a mess. Unfortunately, our society still needs some form of control.

/runsing

2011-11-02T07:05:00.002+08:00

Back in KL. Forcing myself to dedicating my hours today to get things done and it's fully back to work tomorrow. The endless things in life.

Tapi rasa nak gelak dan senyum belaka pepagi ini. Hehehehe.

2011-11-01T04:51:00.002+08:00

There's just soo much things too reflect on. And funny, all the way across the sea and I'm still analysing and worrying about the state of local non-profit-esque entities back at home.

And don't tell me I'm not thinking or critical enough. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's there. It just so happens you've hardly around at the point of time when I conciously choose to exerburt my thoughts because I believe it's needed.

Cakap kosong tak mengena tempat pun tiada guna.

2011-10-31T22:39:00.002+08:00

hmmph gawd

2011-10-27T09:04:00.000+08:00

Currently in the land of Jepara, Indonesia.

2011-10-25T01:03:00.000+08:00

When I think what I've landed myself into towards the end of 2007. And where I'm at now. I'm soosoosoo glad despite it all.

I'm just happy. =)

Jakarta, wait for me!

2011-10-24T23:07:00.000+08:00

I never learn. The night before travel day and I'm literally scrambling to do laundry.

And the moment I get back next week, it's scrambling to catch up on work, get my paycheck and book that flight to KK for end of November!

(The irony, I was just telling myself I'm soo done with travelling during my Sabah/Sarawak trip in July). Look at me now.

Rant

2011-10-24T11:33:00.002+08:00

If you are thinking about having an event or meeting or whatever function at DE PALMA @ MENARA PKNS, PETALING JAYA please think five ten times.

Only pursue it if you're not in a rush or hurry to get things done.

I called them EARLY LAST WEEK asking for a quotation. Naturally I WILL check with them whether the dates are available. And they said yes, it's available. And it took them forever to get them back to me about the quotation. Wait, IT NEVER CAME. I called again and again, and they failed to deliver.

And this morning the person in charge called me and RUDELY told me that the booking was full. Such unprofessionalism and bullshit. I don't care because I've found another venue and didn't want to wait for them forever. But seriously. WTF. The least you could do is be decent and apologetic.

I hope this post will rake up a lot of Google search and these people will get a BLOODY BAD REP.

Bloggers needed

2011-10-23T12:05:00.002+08:00

I need bloggers who are interested to write short blog posts about Malaysia and gender/sexuality/feminism/religion/life/family/being a mother/working woman etc whatever! Just as long as it relates to women in Malaysia.

Both English AND Bahasa Malaysia. 300-500 words (or more if you wish!)

This is a volunteer based project as we don't have funds to give you allowance. It's for Fiesta Feminista's online blog.

- -FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

IIUM/UIA whhaatt?

2011-10-21T14:39:00.000+08:00

I would easily be at my former campus in a heartbeat if I didn't have a prior appointment. And to those who wants to defend the university kaukau for suspending Prof Bari...hear me out first.

It's bad enough students aren't allowed or encourage to think on campus, but even lecturers. I've had professors and lecturers alike who is constantly expressing their unhappiness at the mere fact they are not even given the freedom to teach. And yet at the same time the administration is practically begging and scrambling to get and try very hard to lure excellent academia into the campus (oh the irony).

Think about it. I don't really recall feeling the wholesomeness of academia on campus. Only with a certain group of friends and A SELECT FEW lecturers/profs whom I have soo much respect for . It's a shame. Surely I deserve MORE inspiring and good lecturers. And I think it's an even bigger shame that I've learnt sooo much more from my limited involvement and exposure with local NGOs off campus as compared to the few damn long years I was with the university.

And now this whole Aziz Bari thing. You may agree or disagree with his stand regardless, but I firmly believe it is one's right (even more so an academician) to state his observations/opinions based on his analysis. Same goes to you. Same goes to me. No one should be barred from stating the obvious or their thoughts unless it's purposely done to incite extreme hatred or incitement etc. Of course, the whole question on where do you draw the line for hatred/incitement will come it - but that's another story.

How?

As for the monarchy, if you really want to know how truly significant they are - no a random survey with random people on the street (especially the young). How many people actually know who the current Agong is? What's his full name? Which state sultan is he?

//

On another note, looking at the pictures from the gathering on campus with regards to Prof Bari. I'm sad that there are no students who is actually taking the bigger lead on this. Where are they? Where are they?

- -

FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

2011-10-21T00:05:00.001+08:00

kinda getting really tired of all these steve jobs this, steve jobs that, he not so noble this, he not so great that, he didnt do this, he didnt do that blablabla. he's dead. let him be la. and its really one's personal choice whether to admire him or not, respect him or not, envy him or not, hate him or not. so stop telling others how they should feel with some sad tattle tale of comparison to this or that.

Blog

2011-10-19T10:35:00.002+08:00

And once again I'm reconsidering whether to keep this as a personal blog, a social commentary or rant blog or a little bit of both. I still do have my other personal blog but un-updated lah. So how now brown cow?

The other blog is here. I suppose leave a random comment if you want access? Friends only ;)

Decisions decisions.
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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

Race vs religion

2011-10-16T21:53:00.002+08:00

The more and more I start to think about it. The problem in Malaysia is not really race. It's religion. Tak kira Islam ke, Kristian ke, Hindu ke Buddhist ke...

(but honestly, it's more towards the 'organised' religion i.e Catholic & Islam)

Race comes second. But it goes hand-in-hand.

Too malas to eloborate... but maybe next time.

- -FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

2011-10-16T21:52:00.000+08:00

Taking things personally. I think that is the hardest challenge of all. I'm slowly learning to take it easy. But among fellow activists (so-called or otherwise), I just bloody can't.

When you don't act what you preach, or at least make an attempt to, I'll simply say you're a downright hypocrite. I know no one is perfect, but there ARE limits to your obliviousness me thinks.

Just saying.

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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

2011-10-16T19:20:00.001+08:00

To be honest, I can't wait for Jakarta. I've always wanted to go there. And I desperately need to get myself a new organiser. Totally unrelated I know! I'm still using my 2010 one, and the lack of proper calender planning is kinda putting me off-balance. I guess that fact alone pretty much says it all about my year.

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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

2011-10-16T16:47:00.001+08:00

Going through the wardrobe, and the bags and boxes full of clothes and scarfs which has been in storage on-and-off over the past few years. I used to be a bloody size 8. whattheheckhappened?!

I've decided it's high time I Just give away my once favourites clothes and move on. I can always buy new clothes in the future. After all, we are living in a wonderful capitalist world.

I should be writing for FF and SEAYSS. But intellectual writers' block hellohello

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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

Hak Anda & Kuasa Polis

2011-10-16T11:02:00.001+08:00

Apakah hak anda apabila ditahan polis? Apakah maklumat yang boleh anda berikan kepada pihak polis? Tontoni video pendidikan ini untuk lebih memahami hak anda apabila disoal siat apabila anda ditahan oleh pihak polis.

- - -

When the police stops you, do you know your rights? What are the information you can give to the police? Watch this education video to understand what exactly are your rights when you are being arrested by the police.

Producer/Penerbit: SUARAM, Pusat KOMAS, Rumah Anak Teater, Amnesty International (Malaysia) dan LLG Cultural & Developtment Centre.

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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

2011-10-14T21:54:00.002+08:00

I've said it before on my blog, I'll say it again. We tend to only truly remember God when we are at our weakest and happiest.But in between? Faith and sincerity is a fickle thing. It comes and goes if you're not conscious about it.Work has been kind to me so far. I'm calm. Happy. No pressure that I can't deal with as yet. Haha. But I have to say, this is perhaps the best 'first month at a new job' I've experience so far. Alhamdulillah. I guess I can't really compare it to my first job - everything seems so scary when you're finally out in the real world for the first time. But that aside, the way things are for me at the moment, it is what it is. As I was talking with a good friend of mine over yummy seafood dinner last weekend, this year has been truly interesting for me. I've learn soo much despite me being out of employment (deliberately) for sooo long.rawwrrrr =)- -FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

2011-10-14T20:21:00.003+08:00

I don't need any stupid acts to protect my 'faith'. In fact, the bloody state should just BLOODY BACK OFF in trying to control how the people chooses to practice their faith. Religion is dynamic, there is NO ONE RIGHT way to practice it.

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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

Ignorance (is) bliss. Really?

2011-10-13T13:05:00.000+08:00

The circus of this country. What can I say, welcome to Malaysia. No?

It's your right to remain ignorant. But I think there's a limit lah.

Source: Read this article here.
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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

xd

2011-10-08T14:20:00.002+08:00

if you're not in it, you wouldn't really know right? at least at the end of the day, i will have the privilege to say, been there done that. and all you have are assumptions as an outsider.

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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

2011-10-08T14:18:00.002+08:00

I am but one.
a being.

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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

2011-10-04T20:36:00.002+08:00

Spent the weekend at FFF; what was formerly my life & soul. hahahaha. It still partly is actually. I tend to get offended when people don't take it seriously or talk down about it, or when I see things moves or happen unsmoothly or not up to the standards I've set it up to be.

But it was fun la. It's a nice change being able to run away for a while and lepak with friends and acquaintances.

And I was at a workshop allday today and yesterday, facilitated by Yati Kaprawi with a few filmmakers/producers/writers from Indonesia. Awesome stuff. Why is it I can't help finding Malaysia culturally poor compared to our neighbours? Not just about the culture or arts per say, just everything. Intellectually. Richness in the spiritual sense.

And I sort off overdosed again on documentaries during the workshop. Three days in a row. And finding a documentary which makes you cry, that is rare.

- - FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

2011-10-03T18:05:00.002+08:00

Sesungguhnya I've kinda lost my mood over the weekend. Just being bombarded with things I don't want to remember, and those small things which annoys the hell out of me. People are so hurtful at times.

Banned?

2011-09-30T03:17:00.003+08:00

Oh censorship! Pretty much love-hate relationship with the dearest KDN aka home minister and kuncu-kuncu sekalian MCMC or whatever.

So watch this:

And tell me why is it banned again?

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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

..

2011-09-30T03:05:00.000+08:00

miss monday you couldn't come soon enough. stressed. but this stress is seriously nothing compared to what i went through this time last year. hell. one of the few worst 'life phases' in my life.

i should sleep no? thinking too much. feeling too much. caring too much. but someone did told me i should not stop caring, just take pauses instead. which is true. sigh. and i cant help making comparisons.

its already october. cant wait for january (if not 2014).

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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

2011-09-30T00:32:00.000+08:00

Note to self:

Let go. Let go. You did what you could. You've put your heart and soul into it. You did what you believed in, what you knew was best. No point fussing over it. You can't control others and expect others to see things the way you do.

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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

2011-09-29T02:09:00.001+08:00

so sick of caring. but i cant help it.

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FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

Annual film festival back in Malaysia!

2011-09-24T23:37:00.000+08:00

We all know the FreedomFilmFest is BACK! The full film schedule for the PJ/KL screening and synopses of films is below!

Date: 1 & 2 October
Venue: Wisma Bentley Auditorium, Mutiara Damansara (Next to IKEA)
For directions how to get there by bus/train etc - click here!

Please visit http://freedomfilmfest.komas.org for other dates and venues AND to BOOK YOUR FREE tickets!

Do come and camp out at the festival for the weekend. If you're bored (though I doubt this will happen) or hungry, just head out to IKEA/CURVE/IKANO for a bite to eat or anything.

- -

Petaling Jaya, Selangor
Wisma Bentley Auditorium, Mutiara Damansara

Day 1 - 1 Oct

11.00am RIGHTS OF THE CHILD
Like Toy Dolls
The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan

1.30pm POLITICS OF IDENTITY
Searching for a "Malaysian Identity"
Me and My Nose

2.30pm ENVIRONMENT & ACTIVISM
Oily Hair
Countdown to a Toxic Future

3.30pm WOMEN & RELIGION
Aku Siapa?

7.30pm FFF2011 WINNERS' PREMIERE
(The premiere of FFF films will be preceded by a launch and award ceremony for the winners of the FFF 2011 film proposal competition).
Huruf J
Lot, Umah Am (Laut, Rumah Saya)
Senyap...Tersentak

Day 2 - 2 Oct

11.00am FEATURE FILM PREMIERE
Jalan Pintas

1.30pm ELECTION & DEMOCRACY
Demockcrazy
Silent
Ulu Bengoh Darom Piin

3.00pm SEXUALITY RIGHTS
Transgender: Rights and Rites
Pre Attitude
Courage Unfolds

5.00pm POPULAR RESISTANCE
Into Thin Air
The Creators

7.30pm TIKARTALK/ FILMMAKERS EXCHANGE
Films & Political Change

8.30pm INTER RELIGIOUS ENGAGEMENT
The Imam and the Pastor

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Synopses*

Like Toy Dolls

By Yih Wen Chen | 2010 | 5 mins | English with Bahasa Malaysia subtitles

LIKE TOY DOLLS is a touching and powerful mockumentary about the increasing baby dumping crimes in Malaysia--a lament of the unwanted. Using dolls as a metaphor for those tiny children who are thrown away into the trash, abandoned and sometimes killed, this short film depicts their tragic fate.

SEPERTI ANAK-ANAK PATUNG adalah dokumentari sindirin mengenai kes pembuangan bayi yang semakin berleluasa di Malaysia. Dengan menggunakan anak-anak patung sebagai perumpamaan bagi anak-anak kecil yang dibuang, terbiar dan kadang-kala terbunuh; filem pendek ini mencerminkan nasib malang mereka.

* Winner, BMW Shorties 2010

The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan

By Jamie Doran | 2010 | 52 mins | English subtitles

Bacha Bazi, which translates as "boy's game", is the name of an old Afghan tradition under which pubescent boys dress as women and perform dances for the pleasure of adult men. The custom, particularly widespread in the north of the country, has flourished in recent years as former army commanders and influential businessmen purchase selected boys as a kind of trophy. In this way, street orphans and boys from poor families become sexual slaves; in some cases they are even murdered.

Bacha Bazi, yang bermaksud ‘permainan lelaki’ adalah tradisi lama Afghan yang melibatkan budak-budak lelaki bawah umur berpakaian seperti wanita dan membuat persembahan tarian untuk kenikmatan lelaki dewasa. Tradisi ini, yang agak meleluasa di bahagian utara Afghanistan semakin popular baru-baru ini. Ini kerana bekas tentera dan para usahawan elit akan membeli mereka sebagai lambang kejayaan. Dengan cara ini budak-budak jalanan yatim piatu dan kanak-kanak dari keluarga miskin akan menjadi hamba seks; dan kadang-kala terbunuh.

* Best documentary, Amnesty International UK Media Award
* Sidney Hillman Prize for Broadcast Journalism
* Rudolf Vrba Award, One World Film Festival

Searching For A “Malaysian Identity”

By Andrew Ng and Evelyne Teh | 2011 | 5 mins | English with Bahasa Malaysia subtitles

In Malaysia, diversity often means ‘Malaysian + a hyphen + an ethnicity,' but what if you ... don't fit into an obvious category? What if your background is a hybrid between two ethnics... somewhere in between, where cultural identities overlap?

Kepelbagaian di Malaysia selalu bermakna 'Rakyat Malaysia + tanda sempang + kumpulan etnik,' tapi bagaimana jika anda tidak tersenarai dalam apa-apa kategori yang jelas? Apa terjadi jika latar belakang anda adalah berdasarkan dua etnik dan terdapat pertindihan identiti budaya?

Me & My Nose

By  Ziska Szemes | 2009 | 28 mins | Swedish with English & Bahasa Malaysia subtitles

Ziska Szemes was born and raised in Sweden. For as long as she can remember, she has been bothered by the fact that nobody considers her to be a Swede because of her large, hook nose and black hair. Consequently, she decides to undergo plastic surgery to get a "Swedish nose". This film, interlaced with humorous animated scenes, takes an ironic look at how we label people according to their appearance, and it asks what really determines our identity.

Ziska Szemes dilahirkan dan dibesarkan di Sweden. Sepanjang hidupnya, dia tertekan kerana tiada siapa yang menganggap dirinya sebagai rakyat Sweden kerana hidungnya yang besar dan rambut hitamnya. Akhirnya, dia mengambil keputusan untuk melalui surgeri plastik untuk mendapatkan hidung ala 'Swedish'. Filem ini melihat bagaimana kita sentiasa melabel orang berdasarkan rupa fizikal, lalu membawa soalan akan apakah sebenarnya yang membentuk identiti kita.

*One World Festival, Prague

Oily Hair

By Indrani Kopal & Simon De Swardt | 2010 | 7 mins | English with Bahasa Malaysia subtitles

A short documentary that looks into how people are taking matters into their own hands to fight the gulf oil spill in innovative and creative ways.

Dokumentari pendek yang melihat bagaimana rakyat mengambil tindakan sendiri untuk menyelesaikan masalah tumpahan minyak di Teluk dengan cara inovatif dan kreatif.

Countdown to a Toxic Future

By Jonathan Wong and Raymond Lim | 2011 | 20 mins | English with Bahasa Malaysia subtitles

Kuantan faces an unprecedented urgency because an Australian company is setting up a rare earth processing plant within its vicinity. Against the will of the people, this high-risk plant will be leaving behind a huge amount of hazardous waste. The repercussions would be unimaginable should we fail to halt the plant. Time is running out. Inaction has its price.

Kuantan kini sudah terdesak kerana sebuah syarikat Australia sedang membangunkan sebuah kilang untuk memproses “rare earth”/tanah nadir. Bertentangan dengan kehendak masyarakat, kilang berisiko tinggi ini akan meninggalkan sisa bahaya dalam jumlah yang amat besar. Sekiranya pembinaan kilang ini tidak diberhentikan, akibatnya tidak dapat dibayangkan sama sekali. Masa sudah suntuk.

Aku Siapa?

By Norhayati Kaprawi | 2010 | 50 mins | Bahasa Malaysia with English Subtitles

Why do Muslim women in Malaysia wear the hijab? What are their challenges? Through a series of candid interviews with Muslim women, young and old, urban and rural, director Norhayati Kaprawi uncovers why Muslim women wear the hijab, and why some take it off. “Aku Siapa” is a necessary viewing for those who are curious about the hijab and those who want to better understand political Islam and its impact on women in contemporary Malaysia.

Mengapa wanita Muslim di Malaysia memakai tudung? Apakah cabaran-cabaran mereka? Melalui siri temuramah spontan dengan wanita Muslim – tua dan muda, di bandar dan di kampung – Norhayati Kaprawi selaku pengarah cuba memahami mengapa wanita Muslim memakai tudung, dan mengapa sesetengah memilih untuk membukanya. “Aku Siapa?” harus ditonton oleh mereka yang berminat dengan isu ini dan terutama sekali bagi mereka yang ingin memahami politik Islam dan kesannya kepada wanita di Malaysia pada zaman ini.

Huruf J

By Afiq Deen | 2011 | 20 mins | Bahasa Malaysia with English subtitles

What happens when your status changes from “married” to “divorced”? What has this very personal issue got to do with Human Rights? Afiq Deen gives us his take on this issue that is prevalent in Malaysia and yet still very much hidden behind closed doors.

Apa yang terjadi apabila status anda bertukar dari 'berkahwin' ke 'bercerai'? Apa kaitan isu peribadi ini dengan hak asasi manusia? Melalui dokumentari ini, pembikin filem mendalami isu ini yang agak berleluasa di Malaysia tetapi masih jarang dibincangkan secara terbuka di khalayak ramai.

Lot, Umah Am (Laut, Rumah Saya)

By Liaw Pey Wen | 2011 | 20 mins | Bahasa Malaysia with English or Mandarin subtitles

For most Indigenous People, the land and forest is tied up with their identity. But what if your indigenous identity is not tied up to the land but rather to the sea? This documentary gives us a peek into the lesser known lives of the Indigenous Orang Seletar who have for generations called the Straits of Johor their home.

Bagi kebanyakkan Orang Asli, identiti mereka ada hubungkait yang kuat dengan tanah dan hutan. Tapi bagaimana pula dengan Orang Asli yang hidup di laut? Dokumentari ini menyelami kehidupan Orang Asli Seletar yang sudah turun temurun menganggap Selat Johor sebagai “rumah” mereka.

Senyap...Tersentak

By Pusat KOMAS | 2011 | 5 mins | Bahasa Malaysia with English subtitles

Although BERSIH 2.0 has become the talk of town, the 8 demands of this movement for free and fair election are less well known. This video contains answers to Frequently Asked Questions and put the highlight back on the 8 Demands of BERSIH 2.0 - in simple lay person's terms.

Walaupun menjadi buah mulut orang ramai, fakta-fakta asas dan 8 tuntutun BERSIH 2.0 masih tidak diketahui ramai. Video ini cuba menerangkan secara mudah apakah asas dan tuntutan pergerakan untuk pilihanraya yang bebas dan adil ini.

Jalan Pintas

By Nam Ron | 2011 | 70mins | Bahasa Malaysia with English subtitles

JALAN PINTAS is a fiction that revolves around the character of Bakar who- by taking a shortcut (which is the meaning of the title) -became a victim of delusional promises of Kuala Lumpur. Tracing the course of a one-day journey of his life - we see a life of a man caught between hopes and responsibilities. Directed by Namron and written by Fared Ayam, the film stars new comer Auf Razak, alongside appearances by Bront Palarae, Sharifah Amani, Mislina Mustafa, Zahiril Adzim and Beto Kusyairi.

Jalan Pintas adalah sebuah kisah fiksyen mengenai Bakar yang menjadi mangsa janji-janji manis apabila mengambil jalan pintas di Kuala Lumpur. Megikuti perjalanan seharian beliau – kami akan lihat seorang remaja yang terperangkap antara harapan dan tangungjawab. Diarah oleh Namrom dan ditulis oleh Fared Ayam, filem ini dibintangi Auf Razak, bersama Bront Palarae, Sharifah Amani, Mislina Mustafa, Zahiril Adzim dan Beto Kusyairi.

Demockcrazy

By Duangporn Pakavirojkul | 2008 | 10 mins | Thai with English subtitles

Two students are contesting in the election for a classroom leader position. Each has a chance to campaign and communicate their policies to their classmates. While the competition seemed fair, there's another factor influencing the decision.

Dua orang pelajar bertanding untuk dipilih sebagai ketua kelas. Mereka berpeluang untuk berkempen dan menyampaikan polisi mereka kepada rakan sekelas yang lain. Meskipun pertandingan itu kelihatan adil, namun, terdapat faktor lain yang mempengaruhi keputusan pertandingan tersebut.

Silent

By Thanasit Gerbunsong | 2010 | 12mins | Thai with English subtitles

An old man decides to vote for a candidate who campaigned for waste management because he wanted a cleaner environment.

Seorang tua mengambil keputusan untuk memilih calon yang berkempen untuk sistem pemprosesan sampah sebab beliau ingin persekitaran yang lebih bersih pada masa depan.

Ulu Bengoh Darom Piin (Upper Bengoh Under Water)

By Joachim Leong | 2011 | 20 mins | Bahasa Bidayuh with English & Bahasa Malaysia subtitles

Building of the controversial Bengoh dam will forcibly displace 1,500 residents from their ancestral homes. However, contrary to popular expectations, the recent election results showed that the Bengoh residents did not use their ballot to express their unhappiness. The films ventures into the soon-to-be-submerged villages- accessible only by foot- to discover why they chose the same candidate who supported the very project that would forcibly displace them.

Pembinaan empangan Bengoh yang penuh kontroversi ini akan menyebabkan 1500 penduduk diusir dari tanah moyang mereka. Namun, keputusan pilihanraya baru-baru ini menunjukkan penduduk Bengoh tidak mengunakan kuasa undi mereka untuk menunjukkan kekecewaan mereka. Pembikin filem memasuki kampung-kampung yang bakal tengelam untuk mengenalpasti mengapa mereka masih memilih calon yang menyokong projek yang akan mengusir mereka.

Transgender: Rights and Rites

By Arvind Raj | 2011 | 20 mins | English with Bahasa Malaysia subtitles

Transitioning from a man to a woman is but the first change in Sharan's life. She wants to become a nun by dedicating her life to Bauchara Matha, a deity who is known to be the protector of the transgender community. The filmmaker follows Sharan on a journey of several rituals that are rarely performed and never recorded on film before.

Proses perubahan dari seorang lelaki ke wanita hanyalah perubahan yang pertama dalam kehidupan Sharan. Dia ingin menjadi seorang rahib yang rela mengorbankan kehidupan beliau kepada Bauchara Matha – seorang dewa yang dikenali sebagai pelindung komuniti transgender. Dalam filem ini, pengarah filem mengikuti Sharan dalam pengalaman beliau melalui beberapa upacara keagamaan yang jarang dilakukan apatah lagi dirakam dalam bentuk filem.

Pre Atitude

By Panu Saeng-xuto | 2009 | 20 mins | Thai with English subtitles

“Pre-Attitude” tells the story of homosexuals through the lives of three individuals with different roles and responsibilities as well as differing backgrounds in religion, social life, and family. Each of whom has their own sets of value and goals within the social norms prescribing their behaviors. However, the social restraints imposed on them turn out to teach them about value and real happiness in life. The director won the "Distinguished Prize (Film Category) Young Thai Artist Award 2010" by SCG Foundation.

Filem ini menceritakan hidup 3 orang homoseksual dengan latarbelakang yang berlainan. Walaupun hidup mereka ditentukan oleh norma sosial maysarakat namun mereka tetap dapat mencari kebahagiaan dalam hidup mereka. Pengarah filem telah memenangi anugerah “Artis Thai Muda 2010 (kategori filem) oleh SCG Foundation.

Courage Unfolds

By International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC) and LeaP | 2008 | 32 mins | English with Bahasa Malaysia subtitles.

This video aims to highlight violence and discrimination experienced by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people in Asia while showcasing their efforts to fight for equality, safety and decriminalization. It is also a call to action for governments to use the Yogyakarta Principles - a set of 29 international legal principles- that outlines how international human rights law applies to the lives of LGBT people, and addresses human rights violations based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Video ini bertujuan untuk mempamerkan keganasan dan diskriminasi yang dihadapi oleh golongan lesbian, gay, bisexual dan transgender (LGBT) di Asia disamping menunjukan usaha-usaha mereka berjuang agar tidak didiskriminasi, demi keselamatan dan hak samarata. Ia juga merupakan satu panggilan kepada pihak-pihak kerajaan untuk menggunakan Prinsip Yogyakarta – senarai 29 undang-undang antarabangsa yang menggariskan bagaimana undang-undang hak asasi menyentuh diskrimasi dari segi identiti gender dan orientasi seksual dan kehidupan golongan LGBT secara keselurahannya.

Into Thin Air

By Mohammadreza Farzad | 2010 | 27 mins | Iranian with English subtitles

A short documentary film about the 'Bloody Friday' massacre, which took place in Tehran on September 8th in 1979, the same month the director of the film was born. It concentrates on an excerpt of less than a minute of this horrifying footage which documents the shooting of innocent people, who had been unaware of an official curfew, by soldiers in Jaleh Square in Teheran.

Dokumentari ini mengenang kembali pembunuhan beramai-ramai ‘Bloody Friday’ yang terjadi pada 8 September 1979 – bulan yang sama pengarah filem ini dilahirkan. Ianya memberi penekanan kepada rakaman kejadian kejam ini yang menunjukkan penembakan orang awam yang tidak sedar akan darurat malam yang dikenakan oleh askar-askar di Jaleh Square, Tehran.

* Al Jazeera International Documentary Festival
* Berlin International film festival 2011

The Creators: South Africa through the Eyes of its Artists

By Laura Gamse & Jaques De Villiers | 2011 | 20 mins | English, Xhosa, Afrikaan with English subtitles

The Creators gives us an intimate insight of the sociocultural reality of post-apartheid South Africa through the eyes of several artists. Through their own creative means these artists attempt to rewite their history and the impact of apartheid and attempts to create their own personal meanings of their future.

Filem ini memberi gambaran intim teantang keadaan di Afrika Selatan masa kini selepas pemansuhan sistem apartheid melalui kaca mata beberapa penggiat seni. Artis-artis ini menulis kembali sejarah – dan impak-impak apartheid – dalam bahasa seni mereka tersendiri.

"A profoundly human and humane portrait of an inhumane reality." Ian Biederman (Shark, Crossing Jordan, Law & Order)

TIKAR TALK - “Filmakers and Political Change”

FFF's own “Tikar Talk” is making a comeback this year. Tikar talk is an informally structured exchange of ideas on social filmmaking between filmmakers and those interested in social filmmaking. Our topic this year is, “Filmmakers and Political change” and we hope that the occasion wil provide an opportunity for us to share, laugh and scream and brainstorm together as a community of people who believe in social filmmaking.

“Tikar Talk” kembali semula tahun ini! Tikar Talk adalah sesi santai untuk bertukar pendapat dan idea mengenai pembikinan filem sosial antara pengarah-pengarah filem dan mereka yang berminat dengan pembuatan filem sosial. Topik tahun ini adalah “Pembikin Filem dan Perubahan Politik”, dan kami berharap sesi ini akan membuka peluang untuk semua berkongsi cerita dan bertukar pendapat sebagai sebuah komuniti yang percaya dengan penggunaan filem sosial.

The Imam and The Pastor

By Alan Channer | 2008 | 39 mins | English with English subtitles

In the 1990s, Pastor James Wuye and Imam Muhammad Ashafa led opposing, armed militias, dedicated to defending their respective communities as violence broke out in Kaduna, northern Nigeria. Now the two men are co-directors of the Muslim-Christian Interfaith Mediation Centre in their city, leading task-forces to resolve conflicts across Nigeria. The film tells how they made this remarkable transition. It is both a moving story of forgiveness and a case-study of a successful grass-roots initiative to rebuild communities torn apart by conflict.

Pada tahun 1990-an, pastor James Wuye dan Imam Muhammad Ashafa telah mengetuai kumpulan militia bersenjata yang bertentangan di Nigeria. Namun sekarang, mereka berdua adalah pengarah bersama di Pusat Pengantara Agama Islam-KrisPian yang menerajui usaha penyelesaian konflik di Nigeria. Filem ini menceritakan perubahan peribadi mereka yang luar biasa dan adalah satu kes contoh bagaimana masyarakat boleh dibina semula selepas konflik.

- -
FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

rant

2011-09-23T16:56:00.000+08:00

benci seribu kali benci
benci bertubi-tubi

sigh.

you can shove your sarcastic tone down back into your own throat.

its your sheer arrogance and snobbish air (and those around you) which made those who left, left in the first place.

- -

FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

Timeout at Lunchtime

2011-09-22T13:57:00.000+08:00

To those not in the know - I'm back to being employed full time. I admit, in a way I am slightly missing my freedom. And I will probably miss it even more when things get hectic. Not that it is not at the moment - but you get my drift.

Most people from my end of the world may disagree with the choices I made. There are always risks involved, some bigger than others. Or just suicidal or weird. Haha.

But I'm trusting my instincts (whether or not I'm actually giving it a chance is another question to ponder another time). I'm glad.

- -

FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

random

2011-09-18T02:28:00.001+08:00

#1 dont rush no matter how darn excited or hopeful or whatever about something. seriously.
#2 i forgot what was meant to be the #2...

edit:

#2 stop being supernice.

- -
FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

MANSUH ISA

2011-09-15T21:14:00.000+08:00

you know that news - that you just have to tear up when you hear it. im just getting random updates by twitter about the current prime minister's speech. supposedly isa is to be repealed. im tearing up at the POSSIBILITY of this!!

it seems like the pm is dishing out ALOT On the plate. trying to win back approvals and hearts of local and international media alike? elections is SOOO looming.

thankful. but i cant help being skeptical at the same time ;(

- - FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

penang love

2011-09-15T21:03:00.000+08:00

im happy. it was a great holidaygetaway. but somehow i have this nagging feeling inside me. sigh. but heck. the endless monopoly deal sessions and foodhunting at our regular haunts and that crazy almost 2 hour++ jungle trekking to the beach at taman negara.

- - FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

Aku Siapa?

2011-09-12T17:53:00.000+08:00

Aku Siapa? - A documentary about hijab wearing in Malaysia

I've had the chance to watch this particular documentary by Norhayati Kaprawi quite a number of times. During the launch and a few public and private re-screenings. It's going to be screened again at the annual FreedomFilmFest, and if you've yet to watched it - I highly recommend you to do so.

Although the main highlight in the documentary is about the hijab - ultimately I think it's about the differences and acceptances of differences of opinions in Malaysia which has been much neglected or abhorred among Muslims in this country.

You may hate it or love the documentary. You may agree or disagree with the views shown in the documentary. The views may not represent you as you may very well be sitting on the other side of the fence. But regardless, do come and watch it.

It's worth it.

I've been meaning to write a review and my own thoughts about this film - but I'm always procrastinating it. Maybe soon :P

1 oct, 3.30pm - wisma bentley auditorium, mutiara damansara, petaling jaya (next to ikea)
9 oct, 3.30pm - dewan sri pinang, georgetown, penang

For trailer and full film synopsis and how to book your free invites, click the FFF link below ;)

- - FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

Women in Islam

2011-09-10T14:24:00.001+08:00

Spotted on a friend's Facebook wall:

I hate this. Why all the fuss about WOMEN and not MEN? Seriously, surely Islam never once strive to turn women into merely objects. Objects for men.

And you wonder why Islam is getting such a bad rep?! ha ha ha

And really, my observation is that Muslims in Malaysia are soooooo darn obsessed with ONLY what they see - the 'surface' Islam - that they totally forget about what is in the inside.

- -

FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

chatter

2011-09-09T23:49:00.002+08:00

alhamdullilah. my worries weren't that warranted. i think i'm getting what i want. whether it's what i truly want in the long run or what is good for me - that is another question.

- -

my fear will always be my self-skepticism. of failing. not living up to my own expectations. not performing. and my newest and biggest fear is not being able to find the passion in the next thing, the next adventure im taking on. its just strange, once you know what it is like to have it and letting it go only to not find it again - youll just appreciate it soo much more. maybe i got lucky. i mean, how many people can say they fucking love their first job? and believing in it.

- -

i dont give a crap about people who almost appears right and puts everyone done and gets away with it. im so done with them. but nevertheless, the grudge will always be within me. im sorry, but i cant help it. you've scarred me towards you and your kind. and i, i obviously still have a tad bit of anger management within me to resolve.

- -

currently starting to abandon cityville for sims social. but really, all that limits on request and energy is getting a little bit wayyyy too much. boo.

- -

im sorta living off my measly raya money and whatever is left in my account. gotta love the lowyat forum. you can sell random things and survive a few days (if not weeks) longer than expected. [or you can get broke within seconds with impulse purchases/orders. trust me, that site is evil dont go there]

- -

anti-social as ever. somehow ive been content submitting myself to the glares of the monitors doing random work for friends and respective organisations. haha. but next week, am getting my life back. penang baby!

- -

FreedomFilmFest is BACK! Throughout October in PJ/KL, Kuching, Miri, JB, Muar, Ipoh, Georgetown, Bukit Mertajam and MORE! Click here for the full film listing and schedule for the annual Malaysian human rights film festival!

2011-09-06T16:34:00.001+08:00

If I'm reallyreally restless awaiting a news - it must mean I want it bad right?

x_X

But somehow my instinct is telling me it won't happen.

Racism ramblings

2011-09-06T12:09:00.000+08:00

Growing up, I've always had issues with race and ethnicity. It seems that people's biasness from that particular point of view is always screwing things up. Making things difficult. Hurting others. I'm used to it. Dealt with it, live through it everything. Of course, there are plenty of remarks about religion and how you practice it thrown in - mostly coming from Muslim themselves.

Now that I'm temporarily done with my basics education process - I'm thrown in into the real world. And I find that maybe race isn't much of an issue with the people I've come across and worked with - but religion is. Not just from Muslims, but others as well. Don't think I've ever been more pissed off with religion(s) more than ever at this point of my life. Okay, maybe not religion per say, but the people practicing it. And funnily enough, it's usually those who preach and practice and konon-konon strive for equality be it religion and even (especially!) race/ethnicity wise who tend to be ignorant and oblivious about others. I can't blame them if they're subconsciously racist themselves despite what they say they believe in because we are all inherently racists (whether towards others or even your own kind). But come on, learn to be subtle about it if you really must be so clingy and tolong-tolong your own kin in color. Be smart so people won't know what the hypocrite-ish side of you.

religious -ism

2011-09-05T10:02:00.001+08:00

it seems local Muslims thinks they're deemed superheroes for supporting Muslim countries/communities in dire needs in the Middle East or European region. Palestine etc etc. no harm in that, but i don't see the point of you being so stuck up and noble about it. its nothing. Muslim communities suffering in your neighboring countries you don't care i.e South Thailand/Philippines etc. heck, refugees in your own damn country you don't care. i don't see no harm helping others outside, but there are moments i wished you will fix what is already so wrong and abandoned on your own soil first.

even victims of politics/war and religion-based racism aside - even born and bred Malaysians are suffering in our country. regardless whether they're Muslims or not. poor. hungry. no access to education or decent jobs. no running water. no electricity. no source of income for food. and i'm not only talking about those in Bakun, or rural Sabah, or the orang aslis or anything. even those people you see everyday in the city - they are suffering as well. single mothers. abandoned mothers. people in the slums. everywhere.

how?

I'm just saying.

2011-08-30T04:26:00.000+08:00

hmm. funny how the people you least expect falls into your unforgivable list.

2011-08-29T02:40:00.002+08:00

Irrate. Because Celcom broadband is so effing slow in this part of the world.

ghostbird

2011-08-27T04:37:00.001+08:00

20 august

2011-08-20T04:38:00.000+08:00

Sometimes old anger makes its way again, raging you inside. Sometimes you find yourself sorting through things - things you've sorted through again and again countless times. Old memories flickers and pays you a visit some nights (if not mornings). You listen to your old favourite music that you have since forgotten. Old tunes which brings back certain feelings to your being. At times old fears are mentioned - and you no longer flinch. You've stopped shedding tears. You've stopped wondering. You think you've stopped caring. Times are changing. You are changing. There are moments when you feel like the old you - but really you're not. You are but one, just like God.

//

This time five years ago. I was probably in slumber. Before heading to campus for another dose of BTN. I don't really remember much about it - except I was bored to death all the way at the back of the upper floor of Main Audi. Bitching and complaining about the speakers. In general I wasn't really happy with the so-called representatives from the 'government'. But I remember the ride back home on the MRR2 with Fidzy. We were chatting - but I clearly was distracted. haha. Despite all the shit I went through for months after that - I'm glad for the fact that I was so darn happy at some point in time.

apathy

2011-08-19T19:17:00.000+08:00

i see hollow into the depth of your eyes,
the watery brown so vast,
heavier than death.
that deep un-seething surrender
a sigh.
a sigh so deep.
a sigh so deep it sweeps away all anxieties.
so deep.

2011-08-18T07:11:00.002+08:00

why is it most people choose to approach or utilise Islam in the sense of telling and ordering and judging and soo much focus on what is right and wrong and not on hope and faith and spirituality instead?

its depressing.

-_-

2011-08-15T23:54:00.001+08:00

Life. I think 2011 is starting to grow on me - though there are plenty of moments I'm hating it. I'm relishing the phases of freedom and terumbangambingness I'm going through now - though yeah I'm kinda getting tired of it. hahahahahaha

This is THE life. 5+ months of of unemployment. And I'm still not crazy. Just shows HOW MUCH of a solid break I needed - with the occasional random freelance whateveryouwannacallit to keep me grounded.

But I am looking forward to working again. Don't know where or when just yet. But tengoklah. I have FF & FFF to keep me occupied temporarily til' the end of the year. Those darn ef'F'fes ;)

sincerely,
the lazy activist

No Suprises

2011-08-12T14:15:00.001+08:00

Boleh menangis.

2011-08-12T00:20:00.001+08:00

Happy and depressed. is it possible to feel both at the same time?

2011-08-09T22:34:00.002+08:00

Moodless. Need I say more?

Photographs

2011-08-09T06:46:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was the day I discovered Andrea Gibson. It sorta reminds me of one of the earlier Jewel albums. Not directly, but it makes me think of it.

And it's only few minutes ago it hit me - what she reminds me off. Jeff Buckley's rendition of Edgar Poe's Ulalume.

She gives me chills. And I love it.

And Ed Vedder. Reminds me of Pearl Jam too.

2011-08-07T06:15:00.000+08:00

I miss having a job that I love. So much that I don't really consider it a job.

end

2011-08-06T08:02:00.003+08:00

i'm pretty much back in my own familiar zone. im half-down and out. im avoiding people. im not checking/replying emails as frequently. im ignoring my phone. i just dont say much (even when im online or offline or whereverrr lah). im procrastinating like hell. im no longer that responsible.

heck, even my tumblr has been abandoned. even mini-projects to distract myself aint really working.

so yeah. basically i dont really give much damn. fahamfaham jela korang yg terasa/frust. and to those who dont care - have a nice day.

8tv

2011-08-02T19:24:00.000+08:00

if you find the 8tv Ramadhan adverts funny; seriously?

why is it in malaysia, these mindset whereby muslims are always expecting for others AROUND them to behave in order for them to keep their fucking' faiths intact?

sorry, i'm not that weak. i believe everyone regardless of their faith should do what they want, however they want. of course, common courtesies are in everyone. but honestly, don't expect others to change their ways just so that it is a convenient to your faith.

these moral policing/racists undertoned ads is NOT cool.

#e06

2011-07-29T20:50:00.002+08:00

friends from psm finally released. thank god.

detox - rant rant rant

2011-07-29T01:02:00.000+08:00

ive been messing around with some things in my room, rearranging things (items not furnitures - mind you). and staring at my noticeboards which hasn't been touched for like years. maybe ill just pin a thing or two every now and then during my 'dunnowheretoputit or cantbebotheredtoputitawaymoments'. heck, i still have my deans' list certificates underneath some junk on one of the boards. funny how some things you think the world off at one point in your life pretty much means nothing to you now. hahah. (fine, maybe not that nothing but still...)

but like that lah. one of it has been empty for so long except for a few random ugleh/cute/witty badges. and then these odd pieces of paperbag giftbags ive just hung wherever in my room including fake flowers covered in total dusts dusts dust dust dust.

the point of my post is - if you are getting married anything soon or ever - please oh please stop to think for a while. for the love of YOUR money and the environment, just don't give out stupid junk. stupid decorative items. ugly flowers. fugly mugs which is too dainty to be thrown into the sink for real uses. and certain fugly trinket boxes. and everything in between. ive literally thrashed soo many lately. yeah, you'll keep it for a while out of respect or whatever you want to call it for your friend/relative. tapi lama-lama tuh, menyemak je. kalau tak ambik time kenduri - sakit hati la pulak.

x_X

im anal when it comes of things like that of late. which is why ill never ever ever give anything decorative to anyone unless im sure its really really worth to be displayed or i think its too dead cute for that certain someone.

and another thing, so-called 'recyclable' shopping bags (not the canvas or fabric ones, those nylon-ish fabric types). i wish event companies or whatever companies or organisations (YES INCLUDING NGOS!) should just temporarily (if not forever) making them and giving them out as freebies or selling them. yes, they're dead cheap to make. berapa ringgit je cost price. but honestly. almost everyone has tons of them now. but the straps are so crappy. sikitsikit koyak. and they're ugly. but best of all, that recyclable bag of yours are not even RECYCLABLE. you cant do anything with it except create a toxic bonfire at the back of your house. isnt that worse than using plastic which you can actually recycle?!

le sigh.

2011-07-29T00:44:00.000+08:00

feeling aimless. not that it's not normal, it's just more than normal la kot. i feel like hiding.

2011-07-27T00:43:00.002+08:00

am still high from retail therapy. its been a longlonglonglong while since i really 'treat' myself without thinking about the consequences. hahahaha,

(bulan depan confirm merana tak cukup duit)

kerabumangga

Zaman dedulu...

Malay culture + prophet

HIMYM

Test Run

Gerakbudaya booksale!!

901

Kisah Ikan Bilis

2011

PSA for Self

sun

religion

activism

attack

harapan

women + 'islamic' interpretations

Kampung Radioaktif

random memori

on SBs

Sabr'

avoid

Gender?

we didn't start the fire

Me

2012

Rant (again and again)

Effort & wants

Seksualiti Merdeka

Kejayaan Utusan Malaysia

Tuhan

Runsing

Jakarta, wait for me!

Rant

Bloggers needed

IIUM/UIA whhaatt?

Blog

Race vs religion

Hak Anda & Kuasa Polis

Ignorance (is) bliss. Really?

xd

Banned?

..

Annual film festival back in Malaysia!

Petaling Jaya, SelangorWisma Bentley Auditorium, Mutiara Damansara

Synopses*

Like Toy Dolls

The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan

Searching For A “Malaysian Identity”

Me & My Nose

Oily Hair

Countdown to a Toxic Future

Aku Siapa?

Huruf J

Lot, Umah Am (Laut, Rumah Saya)

Senyap...Tersentak

Jalan Pintas

Demockcrazy

Silent

Ulu Bengoh Darom Piin (Upper Bengoh Under Water)

Transgender: Rights and Rites

Pre Atitude

Courage Unfolds

Into Thin Air

The Creators: South Africa through the Eyes of its Artists

TIKAR TALK - “Filmakers and Political Change”

The Imam and The Pastor

rant

Timeout at Lunchtime

random

MANSUH ISA

penang love

Aku Siapa?

Women in Islam

chatter

Racism ramblings

religious -ism

ghostbird

20 august

apathy

-_-

Petaling Jaya, Selangor
Wisma Bentley Auditorium, Mutiara Damansara